4 Marriage Myths That Are Destroying Christian Relationships (And the Biblical Truth You Need to Know)

Myth #1: "God Chose My Spouse for Me"

The Romantic Myth We Believe

You've probably heard someone say, "My marriage was made in heaven" or "God brought us together." While this sounds deeply spiritual, it places the responsibility for your choice of spouse entirely on God's shoulders.

What the Bible Actually Says

The truth is, choosing your spouse is your responsibility. In 1 Corinthians 7:39, Paul writes about a widow being "free to marry whom she wishes, but only in the Lord." Notice the phrase "whom she wishes" – this shows personal choice and decision-making.

The same principle appears in Numbers 36:6, where the daughters of Zelophehad could "marry whom they please," with only the restriction of staying within their tribe.

Why This Matters

When we spiritualize our marriage choices too much, we avoid taking responsibility for wise decision-making. After Jesus, choosing your spouse is probably the most important decision you'll make. It deserves careful thought, prayer, and evaluation – not just "feeling led."

The danger: When problems arise, people use the same myth to justify leaving. "If God didn't bring us together, maybe Satan put this curse in my life."

Myth #2: "I'm Looking for My Other Half"

The Incomplete Person Syndrome

This might be the most damaging myth of all. Many single people believe they're incomplete and need someone to "complete" them. They're searching for their missing piece, their soulmate who will fill all their empty spaces.

The Biblical Perspective on Wholeness

Here's a game-changing truth: The goal of marriage isn't to BE happy – it's to MAKE your spouse happy.

Instead of looking for someone to complete you, focus on becoming a complete person yourself. Be whole, fulfilled, and content as a single person. Then, when you find someone special, you'll have joy and fulfillment to share rather than emptiness to fill.

Avoid the "Two Fleas, No Dog" Problem

When two incomplete people marry expecting the other to fulfill them, you get what one author calls "two fleas and no dog." Both people are trying to take from the relationship instead of giving to it.

Better approach: Deuteronomy 24:5 talks about a newlywed husband staying home to "bring happiness to his wife." The focus is on giving joy, not receiving it.

Myth #3: "True Christians Don't Have Marriage Problems"

The Fairy Tale Expectation

Some believers think that if you're both faithful Christians who pray together, you won't face serious relationship challenges. This creates unrealistic expectations and shame when problems do arise.

Reality Check: Differences Create Friction

Here's the truth: Even godly couples will face challenges because:

• Men and women are naturally different

• You both grew up in different family environments

• You have different personalities and temperaments

• Opposites often attract (which creates both chemistry and conflict)

The Iron Sharpens Iron Principle

Proverbs 27:17 says, "Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another." When iron hits iron, there's noise, sparks, and friction – but the result is a sharper, better tool.

Your differences aren't a bug in God's design; they're a feature. The challenges you face together can make you both better people if you handle them with wisdom and grace.

Prayer Isn't Everything

While prayer is essential, it's not the only tool you need. In 1 Corinthians 7:5, Paul warns couples not to neglect physical intimacy even for prayer, because it can give Satan an opportunity to tempt through lack of self-control.

Takeaway: You need a comprehensive approach to marriage that includes communication, understanding, practical wisdom, AND prayer.

Myth #4: "Divorce Is a Valid Solution to Marriage Problems"

The Easy Way Out Culture

Our culture increasingly treats divorce as a normal solution to marital difficulties. Unfortunately, this mindset has crept into Christian communities, making divorce seem like an acceptable escape route.

What Jesus Actually Said About Divorce

In Matthew 19:3-9, Jesus was asked if a man could divorce his wife "for any reason." His response was clear: divorce is only permitted in cases of sexual immorality, and even then, it results in adultery if the divorced person remarries.

Marriage as Covenant, Not Contract

The Bible describes marriage as a covenant (Malaquias 2:14), not a contract. Covenants are permanent, serious commitments that bind people together through thick and thin.

Key difference:

• Contracts can be broken when terms aren't met

• Covenants are meant to endure regardless of circumstances

When Problems Arise

Even in cases where biblical grounds for divorce exist, the first response should be seeking reconciliation, forgiveness, and restoration when there's genuine repentance.

Building a Marriage on Biblical Truth Instead of Myths

If You're Already Married

• Take responsibility for your choice (don't blame God or circumstances)

• Focus on what you can give your spouse, not what you can get

• Expect challenges and approach them as growth opportunities

• Commit to working through problems rather than looking for exits

The Beautiful Reality of Biblical Marriage

When we strip away the myths and embrace biblical truth about marriage, we discover something beautiful: a partnership between two whole people who choose to love, serve, and grow together through life's ups and downs.

Marriage isn't about finding your missing piece or having a problem-free relationship. It's about two people choosing to build something beautiful together, sharpening each other like iron, and honoring the covenant they've made.

Remember: The goal isn't perfection – it's faithfulness, growth, and the daily choice to love even when it's difficult.

What myths about marriage have you believed? How might changing your perspective transform your relationship or your approach to finding a spouse? These aren't just theological concepts – they're practical truths that can revolutionize your love life when applied with wisdom and grace.