Before You Fall in Love: 5 Steps That Could Save Your Heart

Why Your Relationship Choices Matter More Than You Think

Before diving into specific steps, it's important to understand the true significance of your dating decisions. Your choice of partner isn't just about personal happiness or companionship—it impacts:

• Future generations that may come from your relationship

• Your spiritual growth and purpose

• The legacy you'll build together

• Your overall life direction and values

Relationships aren't just about finding someone who makes your heart flutter. They're about finding someone who aligns with your deeper purpose and values.

Step 1: Pray First, Search Later

The Power of Spiritual Preparation

One of the most common mistakes people make in dating is finding someone attractive, pursuing them, and then asking for spiritual guidance. This approach puts physical and emotional attraction ahead of spiritual discernment.

Instead, consider this approach:

1. Spend time in prayer and reflection before actively searching for a partner

2. Ask for guidance to see beyond surface qualities

3. Seek clarity about the character traits that truly matter in a lasting relationship

When you pray first, you prepare your heart to recognize the right person when they appear. You train yourself to notice character qualities that might otherwise be overshadowed by more immediate attractions.

Dating Wisdom: When you pray before searching, you're more likely to approach potential relationships with spiritual eyes rather than just physical ones.

Step 2: Value the Counsel of Your Authorities

Why Experienced Voices Matter

In our independent culture, the idea of consulting parents or mentors about relationship choices might seem outdated. However, there's profound wisdom in seeking advice from those who:

• Have known you your entire life

• Can see blind spots you might miss

• Have your best interests at heart

• Possess the wisdom of experience

Consider this question: Who is better equipped to evaluate a potential partner—a love-struck 20-year-old or parents who have navigated decades of marriage and relationships?

Trusted authorities in your life can offer perspective that your emotions might cloud. They can notice red flags you might overlook or affirm qualities you might undervalue.

Practical Ways to Honor Authority

• Introduce potential partners to your parents/mentors early in the relationship

• Ask for honest feedback and be willing to truly listen

• Consider their concerns as valid, even if you don't immediately agree

• Include them in your decision-making process

Step 3: Choose Someone Walking the Same Spiritual Path

The Foundation of Shared Faith

One of the most important factors in relationship compatibility is spiritual alignment. When you and your partner share the same faith and spiritual direction, you have:

• A common foundation for major life decisions

• Shared values to guide your relationship

• Unity in your life purpose and direction

• A spiritual framework for resolving conflicts

Relationships face enough challenges without adding fundamental spiritual differences to the mix. When difficult times come—and they will—having the same spiritual foundation provides stability and direction.

Truth Check: The deepest form of love isn't saying "I love you more than anything," but rather "I love God more than I love you." This ensures neither of you becomes an idol to the other.

Signs of Spiritual Compatibility

• They prioritize spiritual growth without your prompting

• Their actions align with their professed beliefs

• They encourage your spiritual development

• Your spiritual conversations feel natural and mutually enriching

Step 4: Look Beyond Physical Appearance

The Limitations of Surface-Level Attraction

Physical attraction plays a legitimate role in romantic relationships. However, relying primarily on appearance when choosing a partner is like judging a book solely by its cover.

Think about it this way: During your most difficult relationship moments—during arguments, hardships, or challenges—will you be thinking about your partner's appearance? Or will you be concerned with their character, integrity, and how they treat you?

Character Qualities That Last

Focus on finding someone who demonstrates:

• Servanthood and generosity

• Integrity in small matters

• Respect for others, especially those who can't benefit them

• Emotional maturity and self-control

• Consistency between public and private behavior

Remember: Stunning wrapping paper might hide a disappointing gift, while modest packaging might conceal something truly precious. Choose substance over surface appeal.

Step 5: Honor the Sacred Nature of Physical Intimacy

Understanding the Deeper Meaning of Physical Connection

Physical intimacy creates powerful bonds between people—emotionally, spiritually, and even biochemically. These connections aren't easily broken and were designed for the safety and commitment of marriage.

When you engage in physical intimacy before marriage, you:

• Create bonds that may complicate your discernment process

• Risk comparing future partners to past experiences

• Form spiritual connections that can persist long after relationships end

• Potentially diminish the special gift meant for your future spouse

The Gift Worth Waiting For

Think of physical intimacy like a precious gift:

• Opening it before the right time reduces its specialness

• The gift becomes more meaningful when opened at the proper moment

• Patience demonstrates maturity and self-control

• Waiting honors both yourself and your future spouse

Finding Hope After Mistakes

If you've made relationship mistakes in the past, take heart. Everyone has regrets and missteps on their journey. The good news is:

• Past choices don't define your future possibilities

• Spiritual renewal is always available

• New beginnings are possible at any point

• Your value hasn't diminished because of previous relationships

Just as a loving parent cares for their child through messy situations, spiritual healing is available for relationship wounds and mistakes.

Putting It All Together: Making Wise Relationship Choices

The path to finding the right partner isn't about perfect execution of rules, but about approaching relationships with wisdom, spiritual discernment, and a willingness to value what truly matters in the long run.

Remember these five steps:

1. Pray before you search

2. Value the counsel of wise authorities

3. Choose someone on the same spiritual path

4. Look beyond physical appearance

5. Honor the sacred nature of physical intimacy

By applying these principles, you position yourself to make relationship choices that not only bring personal fulfillment but also align with your deeper purpose and values.

What step do you find most challenging in today's dating culture? Which principle might you need to apply more intentionally in your relationship journey?