5 Things You Should Never Say to Someone with Depression

Why Words Matter in Depression

Words have incredible power—they can either heal or harm. When someone is dealing with depression, they are already experiencing emotional pain, loneliness, and self-doubt. The wrong words can exacerbate these feelings and make the person feel misunderstood or more isolated. It’s crucial to be mindful of what we say and how we say it. A small comment might unintentionally create more harm than good, which is why learning what NOT to say is just as important as learning supportive phrases.

1. "Just Think Positive."

While well-intentioned, telling someone with depression to "just think positive" can invalidate their experience. Depression is not simply a matter of having a bad attitude or a negative mindset. It’s a clinical condition that affects the brain's chemistry and can make it incredibly difficult for someone to feel any positivity at all. Instead of encouraging a shift in perspective, this phrase can make the person feel guilty for not being able to "snap out of it."

Instead, show empathy by saying something like, "I know you're going through something really difficult right now, and I'm here for you." This acknowledges their struggle without trivializing it.

2. "It Could Be Worse."

Another phrase to avoid is "It could be worse." While you might be trying to help the person put their struggles in perspective, this comparison can often feel dismissive. Depression makes it hard for someone to see beyond their own pain, and comparing it to someone else's suffering can make them feel guilty for feeling the way they do.

A better approach is to listen and validate their feelings. You can say, "I may not fully understand what you're going through, but I am here to listen and support you in whatever way I can."

3. "Why Don't You Just Try Harder?"

Telling someone with depression to "just try harder" is another harmful phrase. Depression often feels like an insurmountable obstacle, and for someone experiencing it, no amount of willpower or effort can make the symptoms go away. Telling them to try harder can make them feel like they are failing or that their suffering isn't valid.

Instead, offer support by saying, "You don't have to do this alone. I'm here to help in any way I can." Showing that you're available and willing to be a source of comfort is far more helpful than suggesting they "just try harder."

4. "You Have So Much to Be Thankful For."

Although this phrase is often meant to remind the person of the positive things in their life, it can make someone with depression feel like their feelings are invalid. Depression doesn’t always have a logical reason—it’s not about being ungrateful, but rather about feeling overwhelmed by an emotional weight. Telling someone to be thankful can sometimes make them feel worse because it implies that their emotions are unworthy of attention.

A more empathetic response would be, "I know you're struggling right now, and I’m here to help you however you need." This way, you're acknowledging their emotional state and offering your support without imposing expectations.

5. "You're Just Being Lazy."

This phrase can be one of the most damaging things you can say to someone with depression. It dismisses their condition as a lack of effort or laziness, which can make them feel ashamed and misunderstood. People with depression often struggle to do basic tasks, even ones they once enjoyed. Calling them lazy can deepen their feelings of worthlessness and reinforce the idea that their illness is something they can control.

Instead, offer words of compassion and understanding. Say, "It’s okay to take things slow right now. I’m here for you, and we’ll get through this together."

Choosing the Right Words

Supporting someone with depression requires sensitivity and awareness. While it’s natural to want to help, it’s important to recognize that certain phrases can unintentionally harm. Avoid minimizing their struggles or offering unsolicited advice. Instead, offer empathy, validation, and a listening ear.

If you know someone with depression, be sure to choose your words carefully. Words that validate their experience and show you are there to support them will always be more helpful than offering unsolicited advice or comparisons. Remember, depression is a complex and multifaceted condition, and your words can be a source of healing or hurt. Let’s choose them wisely.

If you’ve encountered other phrases that have been helpful (or harmful) in supporting someone with depression, share. And if you found this article helpful, please share it to spread the word and help others support those who are struggling.