Should Christians Date Non-Believers?

The Clear Answer: A Biblical Perspective

When it comes to dating non-Christians or "unequally yoked relationships," a biblical examination reveals a clear answer: it's problematic for someone who is born again to date or plan to marry someone who is not born again.

Two Different Worlds

In John 3:3, Jesus tells Nicodemus: "Truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again."

This profound statement establishes a fundamental difference between believers and non-believers:

Born-again Christians can "see" the kingdom of God

Non-believers cannot perceive spiritual realities

This creates an inherent incompatibility. How can someone who perceives spiritual realities form a deep connection with someone whose mind is focused solely on earthly matters? How can two people with such fundamentally different worldviews become "one flesh" as marriage requires?

Jesus continues in John 3:5: "Truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit."

The Eternal Perspective

Dating is meant to lead to marriage, and marriage means wanting to spend as much time as possible with your spouse. Yet, according to Scripture, believers and non-believers are destined for different eternal destinations.

This raises a serious question: How can you plan to marry someone knowing that, according to your own beliefs, you'll be separated for eternity? This is not about judging the person's worth or character—it's about recognizing a fundamental spiritual incompatibility.

The Evangelistic Dating Myth

Many Christians justify dating non-believers with the hope: "I'll bring them to church and convert them."

However, Jesus taught that conversion is the work of the Holy Spirit: "The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit" (John 3:8).

We cannot control or guarantee another person's conversion. While some point to isolated success stories—"My cousin dated a non-believer who converted, and now they're happy"—these are exceptions rather than the rule. For every success story, there are countless painful endings: broken relationships, divorces, and believers being pulled away from their faith.

Understanding the Purpose of Marriage

To better understand why dating between believers and non-believers is problematic, we must examine the biblical purpose of marriage.

In 1 Corinthians 7:29, Paul writes: "What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not."

Paul is addressing a fundamental shift in how believers should view marriage after Christ's resurrection. With the revelation of eternity and Jesus's teaching that there will be no marriage in heaven (Matthew 22:30), we must reconsider marriage's earthly purpose.

The Spiritual Purpose of Marriage

Ephesians 5:25-27 provides profound insight into marriage's true purpose:

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."

While this passage is often interpreted as a call for husbands to serve their wives in practical ways (which is valid), its deeper meaning reveals marriage's spiritual purpose. How did Christ love the church? His love led the church to heaven.

The biblical purpose of marriage is not primarily for comfort or convenience. It's about each spouse helping the other grow spiritually and ultimately enter God's kingdom together. Marriage partners are meant to present each other to Christ—their ultimate bridegroom—as holy and blameless.

The Impossibility of Spiritual Unity

Given this understanding, how can a born-again believer fulfill this spiritual purpose with a non-believer? How can two people become truly one when they're spiritually moving in opposite directions?

This incompatibility is what Scripture calls being "unequally yoked"—a reference to the Old Testament prohibition against yoking different animals together for plowing. The difference in strength, pace, and direction would make the work impossible and potentially harm both animals.

Conclusion: A Matter of Spiritual Health

Dating and marrying non-believers is problematic not because of any moral superiority of Christians, but because of the fundamental spiritual incompatibility it creates. Marriage is designed for spiritual unity and mutual growth toward Christ.

When considering relationships, believers should prioritize their spiritual health and future. While emotions may push us toward connections with non-believers, wisdom calls us to consider the eternal perspective and seek relationships that strengthen rather than strain our faith journey.