Submission in Marriage: What It Really Means?

Understanding True Biblical Submission

Biblical submission is often misunderstood. Before you dismiss it, let's clarify what it's not:

• Being considered less valuable

• Becoming enslaved to someone else's will

• Remaining silent and agreeing with everything

• Living in fear or being disrespected

• Abandoning your intelligence or decision-making abilities

• Placing your spouse's will above God's

• Being unable to lead, work, study, or advance in society

• Earning less than men

The biblical concept of submission comes from the Greek word "hypotassō," which describes a voluntary act of supporting another person's mission. It's about choosing to work alongside someone, not being forced beneath them.

The Biblical Framework for Marriage

The Divine Order

Scripture presents an alignment that brings God's will into marriages:

1. God

2. Christ

3. Husband

4. Wife

This structure functions like a conduit for God's perfect will. When anyone steps out of position, the flow is disrupted. This doesn't diminish the value of any person in the alignment—each role is vital.

A Queen and Her King

A beautiful analogy for understanding submission is the relationship between a king and queen. As Proverbs 12:4 mentions, "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown."

Think about what a crown represents to a king:

• Honor

• Value

• Strength

• Beauty

The virtuous wife brings these qualities to her husband's life. Interestingly, the original word for "virtuous" actually means "strong." This completely contradicts the notion that submission equals weakness. In fact, it requires tremendous strength to voluntarily share control and honor another person.

Common Questions About Submission

"What if my spouse doesn't know their purpose?"

If you're single, consider marrying someone who understands their mission. If you're married to someone still discovering their purpose, you can help them explore their calling.

"Should I submit to a spouse who isn't a believer?"

According to 1 Peter 3, yes—your respectful conduct may draw them to faith more effectively than words. However, this doesn't apply to requests that contradict God's principles. Your primary submission is always to God.

"Should I submit to my boyfriend/girlfriend?"

No. While dating, you should show respect and honor, but submission as described in Scripture applies to marriage. Unmarried individuals remain under their parents' authority.

Submission in Different Contexts

It's important to note that biblical submission specifically addresses the husband-wife relationship. Scripture doesn't mandate female submission to men in political, business, or social contexts.

Women should:

• Pursue leadership positions in their careers

• Receive recognition for their accomplishments

• Be paid equally for equal work

However, it's valuable to maintain your role in building your family, which is a woman's unique privilege.

The Power of Choosing Submission

Success in relationships doesn't always depend on perfect leadership. Consider biblical examples:

• Adam had God as his leader, yet chose not to follow

• Some biblical figures had flawed leaders but succeeded through their choice to follow well

The quality of your submission often has more impact than the quality of your spouse's leadership. By choosing to remain in your God-designed position, you create space for your spouse to grow into their role.

Why Submission Matters Spiritually

There's a deeper spiritual significance to submission. When humanity fell, God promised enmity between women and the serpent (representing Satan). The enemy seeks to dissolve this separation by encouraging rebellion against authority—the very sin that caused his own fall.

By embracing biblical submission, women actively oppose the father of rebellion and maintain their God-ordained position in marriage.

Embracing a Balanced Perspective

Finding balance in this teaching requires healing from past hurts. Many reject the concept of submission due to negative experiences with male authority figures. Viewing submission through Scripture's lens rather than through personal wounds leads to healthier marriages.

Remember that all Christians are called to "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21). Mutual respect and consideration form the foundation of godly relationships.

Conclusion: Strength in Surrender

Biblical submission isn't about being less—it's about supporting a God-designed order. It requires strength, wisdom, and confidence. Far from diminishing a woman's value, it elevates her essential role in marriage and family.

When both spouses understand their complementary positions, they create a powerful partnership that honors God and strengthens their bond. The beauty of biblical submission isn't found in control, but in the willing cooperation of two people committed to God's plan for marriage.

Have you experienced misunderstandings about biblical submission? How has your perspective changed after learning its true meaning?