The Truth About Kissing in Christian Relationships

The Kissing Question: Is It Right or Wrong?

When it comes to physical boundaries in Christian dating relationships, few topics generate as much discussion as kissing. Is a romantic kiss between dating couples acceptable, or should it be saved for marriage?

Before we can answer this question, we need to clarify what type of kissing we're talking about:

• A quick peck or simple lip contact

• A deeper, passionate "French kiss" involving tongue and exchange of saliva

This discussion focuses specifically on the latter, as this is where many Christian couples struggle to set appropriate boundaries.

Purpose vs. Justification

Many young Christians justify kissing in dating with this common explanation: "How else can I show affection to my girlfriend/boyfriend?"

However, this mindset deserves further examination. When married couples want to show affection after being apart, they often don't immediately engage in passionate kissing. Instead, they might offer:

• A gentle peck on the lips

• A kiss on the cheek

• Other non-sexual forms of physical affection

This reveals an important distinction: deep, passionate kissing in marriage typically serves as a form of foreplay—a warm-up for sexual intimacy—rather than merely expressing affection.

Understanding the Purpose of Dating

To properly address this question, we must first understand the purpose of dating:

"Dating is a time set aside to get to know someone and determine if they're the person you want to spend the rest of your life with—the person you'll give a ring to and make promises to for a lifetime."

Dating should be a period of clear-headed evaluation to determine compatibility for marriage. This is where passionate kissing can become problematic.

How Chemistry Clouds Judgment

When a couple engages in passionate kissing, their bodies release powerful chemicals that create strong emotional and physical responses. These chemicals can significantly cloud judgment in several ways:

1. Prayer changes - Before kissing, someone might pray: "Lord, show me if this is the right person. If not, remove them from my path." After experiencing the chemical rush from kissing, prayers often shift to: "Lord, let it be them! I want this person, Lord, bless our relationship!"

2. Blindness to red flags - Physical attraction and chemistry can make us overlook important character traits and compatibility factors that would otherwise be dealbreakers.

3. Rational assessment decreases - We become less likely to objectively evaluate how they:

• Behave at home

• Care for their belongings

• Approach work and studies

• Handle personal hygiene and self-care

Recreational vs. Purposeful Dating

If abstaining from kissing seems impossible, you might be approaching dating as recreation rather than preparation for marriage:

"If not kissing seems absurd to you—like, 'How can I date without kissing?'—it might mean you're engaging in recreational dating. You're seeking a pleasurable pastime, similar to enjoying ice cream."

Dating should be enjoyable, but its primary purpose isn't personal pleasure. When we use another person primarily for our own pleasure—even their beauty or body through kissing—we misuse what God has created.

The Real Problem with Kissing

The issue isn't necessarily the kiss itself but rather:

1. Where it leads - Passionate kissing rarely happens with "hands in pockets." It typically escalates to touching and greater physical intimacy.

2. The thoughts it provokes - Kissing intensifies sexual temptation, essentially "pouring gasoline on something you don't want to catch fire."

Is Kissing Right or Wrong? A Personal Assessment

Consider this guideline:

"If you can passionately kiss without having sexual thoughts, without becoming aroused, without wanting to do something that Scripture reserves for marriage, then for you it might be okay. But if kissing brings sexual thoughts, causes arousal, and makes you more likely to sin, then it's wrong."

Practical Advice for Dating Couples

For Christians seeking to honor God in their relationships, consider:

1. Focus on conversation - Share ideas, talk about your plans and dreams

2. Evaluate compatibility - Determine if your futures align

3. Set clear physical boundaries - Be honest about what leads you toward temptation

4. Don't fear being counter-cultural - Society constantly promotes physical intimacy in dating, but Christians are called to a higher standard

A Question of Personal Sanctity

Ultimately, this isn't about legalistic rules but about personal holiness:

"For those seeking sanctity, who want to get it right and stand blameless before God—if kissing leads you into sin, don't hesitate to set that boundary."

The question of whether kissing in dating is right or wrong depends on you—your specific temptations, your commitment to purity, and your desire to honor God with your body and relationship.

What are your thoughts on physical boundaries in Christian dating?